Battle of The Bitches 1: Glass Joe vs. Gabby Jay

Okay, so picture this: you're sitting around with your friends, and you're having that stupid debate over who would in a fight. You know, it's always Mike Tyson vs. Bruce Lee, a shark vs. a cougar, Barbara Bush vs. Laura Bush, Hitler vs. Stalin...those types. Of course, no one else ever wins. You either get pissed off and start bringing out the yo' mama arsenal, or you proceed to get too drunk to care. For all of us out there who can't decide who's more badass, why not argue over who's a bigger bitch? I mean, seriously, when it's Mud Bowl XXX, everyone wins (um...or loses?). As always, I will use my detailed and flawless logic to decide once and for all how IS the bigger bitch. In honor of Bastille Day (July 14, 1789, the start of the French Revolution), both of our contestants hail from Paris, France. Before anyone starts flaming me about bad Americans making fun of France, remember, this is a JAPANESE game. Shame on you! So, let's look at the profile of each contestant:Ready? Let's meet our contestants:

Glass Joe (Punch Out!!!)

Age: 59
Record: 1-99, 1 KO
Weight 110 pounds
Known for: MIDI-based taunting, alcoholic pink skin, chiseled cleft chin, single row of teeth

Post-boxing career: antiperspirant spokesmen

VS.

Gabby Jay (Super Punch Out!!!)

Age: 69
Record: 1-99, 1 KO
Weight 110 pounds
Known for: Droopy Dog impersonations, wicked comb over, training Glass Joe

Post-boxing career: actor

FINAL VERDICT:

Stay tuned til' tomorrow, kids. Feel free to comment on your predictions.