I'll Give It To You Straight - AT&T's Blackberry Curve (8310)

Well, as the TWHS title suggests, I plan on giving you the lowdown on stuff out there, telling you if you should extend an offer or put that wad back in your pocket (cash, duh!). Today, I thought it'd be easy to start one of my tools of the trade, the Blackberry Curve 8310. I noted the AT&T part because different carriers have different variations. Here's how this'll work. I'll give you the pros and the cons, and then the final verdict. Epinions.com this ain't, folks, so don't expect some lame-ass list of numbers and specs. Anyway.............

What Doesn't Suck

-The ability to take pictures and e-mail them to TWWS and Flickr

-Obtuse shape lets women know that your phone more than compensates for any...um....shortcomings (not for you, though, right?)

-Blackberry is the mullet of the 2000s: business in the front, party in the back

-The company that makes it, Research in Motion, abbreviates its name as RIM, so there's always a good conversation starter in your pants

-The built-in trackball gives you ninja-like training in finger dexterity for..um...beating your roommate's ass at Warhawk

-Full QWERTY keyboard lets you type douchebag-esque text messages such as the following:

Friend without QWERTY: cnt tlk much, txtn sux on my phone

You: That sucks, asshole. Hey, wanna know what I did this morning? Well, first I got up and took a shower and had breakfast...no wait...I think it was breakfast and then shower....I can't remember....anyway, that reminds me. Did you read my War and Peace essay for Mr. HoddyBoddyChingChangWallaBingBang's class? Here, tell me what you think about it, bro. Seriously, be gentle. Just type it back to me with the corrections..........

What Sucks:

-Businessmen types who have Blackberrys are WAY too sophisticated for the hottest games, so all ur favs like Hannah Montana and Scooby-Doo's Big Orgy Adventure aren't out for your phone yet. Don't worry, they eventually come. I mean, just last week I heard that they were coming out with this new game where you're a psychopath who drops blocks from a building, hoping that they will disappear into neat, same-colored formations.....assholes.

-No actual blackberries included. I mean, seriously, WTF, man?

Conclusion:

4/5